The pitfalls of objectification and sexual harassment are a universal among women. Traveling alone, it can be tricky to tell someone from a friendly face to an unwanted suitor. In these situations the simplest, and best word in your vocabulary (or to learn in the language of the country), will always be “No”.

Yesterday, I stayed in a hostel in Quepos, Costa Rica after I missed the last bus to San Jose. I thought the hostel was surprisingly nice with a nicely maintained pool, restaurant attached and even an open-air hangout area above it with a TV, beanbags and hammocks. At night I went up there to charge my phone since my dorm room smelled terribly like feet.

In the spirit of the 4th of July, I brought some boxed sangria. I was supposed to be in San Jose right now, or maybe celebrating back in Manuel Antonio, but instead I was swinging on a hammock catching up with a friend from home.

Enjoying my solo wine party, some random dude interrupted me. Tipsy, dizzy from the hammock, I was generally annoyed. It was midnight by now. Why was he here? As we made introductions, he went straight for a wet one on the cheek.

He offered me a vodka and still water. I politely declined then went to pack up my bag. He sat next to me and way too close. I tried to make small talk, praying that my phone would charge faster with the shitty replacement one I had gotten in Panama. He tried to put his arm around me to pull me closer to him. This dude even had the nerve to touch my face.

Fed up, I finally ask him, “Are you even staying here?” He replied that he actually lived there – oh great – because his father is the manager there. Which is how he had known I was there in the first place.

I’m just done with this type of shit by now. Ruining my 4th of July party-for-one. I start to head back to my room, to the smelly feet. I had just returned when there was a knock on the door. It’s the creepy touchy guy; I had forgotten my charger upstairs. I thank him. Out of instinct, I try was to say good bye with an air kiss. Again he plants one on the cheek. I slapped him. Boy. Bye.

The next morning I talked to the manager/his dad, demanding a refund. After some hesitation and back-and-forth, he acquiesced. My regret was not telling other guests or writing a review.

In the past I would have usually been polite but let it go. But this type of aggressive behavior still happens everywhere. It’s one thing to be annoyed by an overly persistent dude. It’s another thing to feel unsafe, tracked, and monitored in your accommodation.

Some situations you don’t know how bad it could get. Like when in the tourist city Cartagena, Colombia, I walked back to my hostel alone aafter a night out. In a street full of people, a group of guys noticed I was walking by myself and started following me. I pretended to not understand what they were calling out, eventually telling them off after a bit – that I wasn’t interested, to leave me alone – until it was just one guy following me for for two long blocks. He eventually gave up, but why did it take so long? It felt even weirder since the streets were still full of people.

You can feel really alone sometimes. There was the time that I was on the San Blas Islands in Panama. After a day of drinking, the chef on our host’s island got absolutely wasted after cooking dinner. At the bonfire I became the target of his attention. Despite six other travelers (including four females) in the group, I was the only one traveling solo. I declined what seemed like countless invitations to drink and dance – not even because I didn’t want to but because I was already hung over from the day drinking.

My head throbbed as I backed away. He was so drunk that I could feel his spit when trying to talk. Moved chairs when he kept moving next to mine. Finally I told him bluntly that he was annoying me. The other hosts burst out laughing. One of them invited me to watch TV in their tent to get away from him.

I went to bed early that evening, frustrated that I couldn’t escape this thoroughly annoying dude and because nobody just told him to shut up and let me be. Perhaps he was just trying to be friendly but it doesn’t matter. Nobody needs to deal with a sloppy mess. Unfortunately, it’s a remote island with nowhere else to go.

But it didn’t end there. I woke up the next morning around 5 am and watched the sun rise. Another one of the hosts was cleaning up the mess of beer cans from the night before. After sweeping them into a big ugly pile, he invited me to see the other side of the island. I honestly wanted someone to take a picture of me under a palm tree while so I agreed to join him.

He grabbed two beers to go and it didn’t take long to reach the other side of the island. Not far into the conversation he asked me if I have a boyfriend. My heart sank. This question rarely leads to great things. I know where this is going…when asked when traveling, I always say I have one.

But the boyfriend is not there currently, and then again this doesn’t usually matter to the asker. This guy compliments me, smiling at me as I finish my beer as fast as I can. My boat to get to the next island is supposed to depart soon, so I get up and say thanks. Before he grabs my waist and then touches my ass. I push him away and hastily walk back where my group has been waiting for me.

I think I reacted that way because he was Kuna…he should have gotten a slap to the face. It’s a sad reality that men like this will never get the proportional response to what they’ve done. And the picture of me in front of the palm tree? It sucked.

In a trip where you want to be open to everyone, it sucks that it’s still in your best interest to be wary of strangers. Even with street smarts (what I considered), you’ll run into these situations.

Here’s some tips to keeping safe as a solo female traveler:

• Say no. And learn it in every language. If you can, ignoring the person is also a good solution, as it ultimately takes their power (of getting your attention) away from them.
• Stay connected. Ideally you’ll friends will look out for you, but remember you always can only count on yourself. If you’re moving around a bit, make sure someone from back home always knows your location.
• Remove yourself from the situation. Go hang out with others, even if it’s just a shopkeeper or bartender. Because remember, people are still inherently good.
• Make travel buddies. It can be tempting to do things by yourself, but it’s also worth it to make the effort to have a companion even for just the night. Unfortunately, and perhaps understandably, I was only harassed when I was visibly alone.

And don’t be afraid. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to getting preferential treatment in some situations (seated up front, free stuff, etc.) because I was a woman traveling alone – so take advantage of that, too. You’ll get stared at; I also get a lot of attention being Asian, so there was genuine curiosity in my background. So my last tip is: be confident in yourself, stand out (and stand up), and don’t forget the world is yours as much as anyone else’s.